I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death

 

I Am I Am I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell

Nonfiction - Memoir

2017

Finished on November 10, 2025

Rating: 4.5/5 (Very Good)

Publisher's Blurb:

We are never closer to life than when we brush up against the possibility of death.

I Am, I Am, I Am is Maggie O'Farrell's astonishing memoir of the near-death experiences that have punctuated and defined her life. The childhood illness that left her bedridden for a year, which she was not expected to survive. A teenage yearning to escape that nearly ended in disaster. An encounter with a disturbed man on a remote path. And, most terrifying of all, an ongoing, daily struggle to protect her daughter--for whom this book was written--from a condition that leaves her unimaginably vulnerable to life's myriad dangers.

Seventeen discrete encounters with Maggie at different ages, in different locations, reveal a whole life in a series of tense, visceral snapshots. In taut prose that vibrates with electricity and restrained emotion, O'Farrell captures the perils running just beneath the surface, and illuminates the preciousness, beauty, and mysteries of life itself.

I've read all but one of Maggie O'Farrell's books (The Marriage Portrait) and other than a couple of her novels, I Am I Am I Am is my favorite of her entire collection of published works. Wow. She has crafted a lovely memoir, filled with love, fear, and the most near-misses a human being could possibly encounter in their lifetime. O'Farrell is both a very unlucky and lucky woman to have experienced so many brushes with death. And she doesn't simply recount those situations in a cut and dried manner, but weaves poetic details throughout each beautifully rendered essay. I held my breath as I read a couple of the vignettes, fearful of the outcome despite knowing she is currently alive and (hopefully!) well.

There is nothing unique or special in a near-death experience. They are not rare; everyone, I would venture, has had them, at one time or another, perhaps without even realizing it. The brush of a van too close to your bicycle, the tired medic who realises that a dosage ought to be checked one final time, the driver who has drunk too much and is reluctantly persuaded to relinquish the car keys, the train missed after sleeping through an alarm, the aeroplane not caught, the virus never inhaled, the assailant never encountered, the path not taken. We are, all of us, wandering around in a state of oblivion, borrowing our time, seizing our days, escaping our fates, slipping through loopholes, unaware of when the axe may fall. 

I can't imagine anyone reading this memoir who doesn't revisit their own close calls. While I don't care to go into detail of the times that I might have avoided the Grim Reaper, O'Farrell's encounters do remind me of a few. I suppose anyone who has given birth, gone swimming in the ocean, hiked alone, or flown in an airplane will find themselves nodding their heads as they read this book. The final essay had holding my breath, especially knowing someone who has a child with severe allergies to numerous food items.

I know I must nod calmly when people tell me they understand exactly how I feel because they have a gluten allergy, which makes them really bloated whenever they eat bread. I know to be patient and genial when I have to explain that, no, it’s not OK to bring that hummus into our house. No, it’s not a good idea to give her a little bit to get her used to it. No, please don’t open that near her. Yes, your lunch could kill my child.

I loved this beautiful memoir. It's a keeper.

Highly recommend.