Bittersweet

 

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole by Susan Cain

Nonfiction

2022

Finished on November 3, 2024

Rating: 2/5 (OK)

Publisher's Blurb:

In her new masterpiece, the author of the bestselling phenomenon Quiet reveals the power of a bittersweet outlook on life, and why we’ve been so blind to its value.

With Quiet, Susan Cain urged our society to cultivate space for the undervalued, indispensable introverts among us, thereby revealing an untapped power hidden in plain sight. Now she employs the same mix of research, storytelling, and memoir to explore why we experience sorrow and longing, and the surprising lessons these states of mind teach us about creativity, compassion, leadership, spirituality, mortality, and love.

Bittersweetness is a tendency to states of longing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute awareness of passing time; and a curiously piercing joy when beholding beauty. It recognizes that light and dark, birth and death—bitter and sweet—are forever paired. A song in a minor key, an elegiac poem, or even a touching television commercial all can bring us to this sublime, even holy, state of mind—and, ultimately, to greater kinship with our fellow humans.

But bittersweetness is not, as we tend to think, just a momentary feeling or event. It’s also a way of being, a storied heritage. Our artistic and spiritual traditions—amplified by recent scientific and management research—teach us its power.

Cain shows how a bittersweet state of mind is the quiet force that helps us transcend our personal and collective pain. If we don’t acknowledge our own sorrows and longings, she says, we can end up inflicting them on others via abuse, domination, or neglect. But if we realize that all humans know—or will know—loss and suffering, we can turn toward each other. And we can learn to transform our own pain into creativity, transcendence, and connection.

At a time of profound discord and personal anxiety, Bittersweet brings us together in deep and unexpected ways.

I listened to the audio version of Susan Cain's popular book, Quiet, last November. I had purchased a copy of Bittersweet while on vacation that year, but held off reading it until I had read Quiet. My book group chose to read and discuss Bittersweet this month, so I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's thoughts about this nonfiction work. 

To be honest, I struggled with the book. It felt dense and dry, and I wound up assigning myself a daily page count in order to finish in time for my book group meeting. Looking back at my review of Quiet, I am reminded that I liked it, but it wasn't one that I thought was outstanding, or even very good. Had I not recommended this new book to my book group, I know it would have been a DNF.

Flipping through the pages, looking for passages that did resonate, I came across this one:

One of the cornerstones of Keltner's research, which he summarized in his book Born to Be Good, is what he calls "the compassionate instinct"--the idea that we humans are wired to respond to each other's troubles with care. Our nervous systems make little distinction between our own pain and the pain of others, it turns out; they react similarly to both. This instinct is as much a part of us as the desire to eat and breath.

The compassionate instinct is also a fundamental aspect of the human success story--and one of the great powers of bittersweetness. The word compassion literally means "to suffer together," and Keltner sees it as one of our best and most redemptive qualities. The sadness from which compassion springs is a pro-social emotion, an agent of connection and love; it's what the musician Nick Cave calls "the universal unifying force." Sorrow and tears are one of the strongest bonding mechanisms we have.

While researching Cain and her book, I came across a few items that I want to share. Click on the links to watch.

The Hidden Power of Sad Songs and Rainy Days (TED talk)

But those dreams of peace he had had, you know, we're all still waiting for those, right? Which is the way it often goes, the beautiful world just out of reach. But while we're waiting, our broken hearts can also help connect us.

Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care (Cleveland Clinic) 

Excellent video about empathy.

It will be interesting to see if anyone in my book group enjoyed this book. Sadly, it's not one that I can recommend.